A check-in is a short, regular talk about how you're both doing, before small things turn into big ones. Ten to twenty minutes once a week is enough.
How it works
- Pick a regular time when you're both rested, not right before bed.
- Each of you answers the same questions. Take turns going first.
- Listen to understand, not to reply.
- End on something you appreciate about each other.
The good stuff
- What's one thing I did this week that you appreciated?
- When did you feel closest to me this week?
- What's a moment from this week you'd like to remember?
- What made you laugh this week?
- What are you proud of from this week?
How you're doing
- How are you feeling, honestly, out of 10?
- What's taking up most of your energy right now?
- Is anything worrying you?
- What do you need more of this week?
- What would make next week easier for you?
Us
- Did you feel heard this week?
- Is there anything left over from a disagreement we should talk about?
- Did we get enough time together?
- Did we get enough time apart?
- Is there anything you'd like me to do differently?
Life admin
- What's coming up next week we should plan for?
- Is the split of chores working for you?
- Anything about money we should talk about?
- Any plans with friends or family to put in the calendar?
- Anything we've been putting off?
Looking ahead
- What's something fun we can do next week?
- Is there a goal we're working towards together?
- What's one small thing that would make our home better?
- What are you looking forward to?
- What's one thing you love about us right now?
Keep it light
If a topic gets heated, pause it and agree on a time to come back to it. The check-in should leave you both feeling closer, not like you've been to a meeting.
Pairbond has a deck called Us, Honestly for exactly this kind of talk, and a mood check on the Us tab so you can see how your partner's feeling day to day.